


Driving Mad

by Screaminglouder



Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy, Voyná i mir | War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
Genre: AAA - Freeform, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom!Anatole, COME JOIN US IN HELL, Daddy Kink, Explicit Consent, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Forget Hélène, Gay Sex, Improper use of a cough drop, Improper use of a dinner plate, Improper use of a lamp, Improper use of a suitcase, Improper use of milk, LMAO, Lemons, M/M, MILK FIC WHOM, Multi, Other, Polyamory, Saucy, Sexual Content, Smut, Top!Balaga, WE HAVE A DISCORD SERVER NOW, balaga gets around, balaga is the real slut, bc i might be writing shit but i WILL have consent damnit, improper use of an umbrella, milk fic, my goal is to have balaga do e v e r y o n e, otp, themes of cheating, uh Andrey is poly af but they talk about it ok it’s chill
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-05-07 14:39:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14673216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Screaminglouder/pseuds/Screaminglouder
Summary: Balaga has some fun.I’m not sorry.





	1. hey boi

The fact that you are reading this says something.

 

Seriously, why did you click on this?


	2. yeehaw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we doing this

hey bitch said our bro b-dawg what the fuck is up homie

bruh said anal toy you lookin fiiiiinnne wan fuck

hell ye muttered bagel (after this he gon use dat corn on soybeans and a suitcase on Mary)

balaga whipped out a bright fuckin pink umbrella from his fanny pack

o yum yum into my tum said Ana whore

Bags threw the umbrella into animals ass

oof daddy said Annie

mmmm boi dat the Gucci shit

They both came and found de wae 

 

Gotta go so i fun fuck Mary w a suitcase said banana

 

what was that dear asked a-dawg 

 

N O T H I NG screamed lasagna 

 

The end bruh


	3. fanart somehow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how

ok so anawhore over @ amino (not their actual name they just wanted me to call them that) made fan art?? what?

 

http://aminoapps.com/p/vfro25

 

how? why? we dont know

also y’all want chap three where Mary gets into the mess? pls tell


	4. yum yum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary get in on it

Bagel after exiting his sexy apartment jacked of in the car ride to Mary’s place.

ey bois said bulldog as he fuckin strolled on into Mary’s death tower of doom otherwise known as her fuckin apartment cuz her father was like nah son and yeeted her out of the house castle thing of misery which was Gucci for bagging bc he could   
now bang all of the Bolkonsky squad and nobody wood kno so ye

Hey balaga said m-dawg wan do the do 

Already prepared he said pulling out a suitcase from his ginormous fanny pack that held the bright fuckin pink umbrella previously 

Aw fuck ye muffin said as she lov tha suitcase 

B-dawg held the suitcase high in his big big sexy hands and shoved it down her thrussy 

Yum yum she said 

Your father liked that to banana republic muttered 

What was that dear mom asked

NOTHEING SCREAMED TROIKA FUCKER4000 BYE BITCH

 

LOVE U TOO DARLING yelled murderer flipping thru a magazine ab how fucking corn improves ur booty

 

That was close said Batman hopping into a taxi to Natasha’s house to fuck her with a lamp.


	5. Natasha is emo she loves lamps w all her heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha gets dirty

Balaga gazed at nature cuz she was lookin hot af in her sexy and arousing white evil cloak thingy u kno wat I’m talkin ab  
U likey asked nugget   
uh duh said bags

Ugh I’m in such confusion tho cuz two days ago i fuckin went to Mary tower o doom (70% off) and she didn’t immediately fuck me and bow down to me and then I sang a song ab how hot entree was ya feel? Said national 

No said basketball but u kno What would make u feel better   
My love apples back from the war? Asked nibble 

No fucking me then riding to Mary’s and fucking her. Bring a suitcase w you when u go to the tower o doommmmm. It’ll make the experience better. Said b-dawg

Mmmm ok said nurse 

Nachos then took off her previously mentioned cloak thingy leaving her naked   
Mm he mumble

He was sexily pulling out a hot hot lamp from the probably magical fanny pack that held a umbrella and a suitcase and 6 corn among other thing.  
Then proceeded to fuckin yeet the hot lamp into her badonkadonk

Oof daddy sAid the night   
Aaaaaaaaaqaaaaaaaa said bus 

Yeehaw he said proceeding to l3ave in order to use dat nice cough drop on Marya dimension ever or something u kno her name


	6. sorry if you can’t look @ couph drops next time ur sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marya succs on cough drops and other things

yo marya gurlL said dat balaga  
Yo y o yo said the low key scary marriage  
U hot tbh said bagslhs 

IKR? Said marshmallow  
Oof wan do tha do said b dawg  
Sure said marry dimensions ever

Balaga had obtained something just for her  
He pullled out a mint cough drop out of his magical fanny pack  
Yeehaw moaned marya 

He attached the couph drop to his dicc 

oh ye I was going to eat one any way bc yelling at Natasha really makes my thrussy  
sore said Maria cuz we hav e no sense of continuity with time

She then succed the cough drop on his ding dong until it was gone  
Yay said baggage u wan do more or...?

Nah fAm said mom  
Ok dude that’s chill byeeeee said troika fucker 3000  
Bai said magazine her throat feeling much better 

Balaga pulled a Ferrari out of his magical fanny pack whom he made love to every night and rode to Hélène house with a dinner plate in hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo shout out to Man_of_many_fandoms over @ amino for showing me a pic of the umbrella in the 2nd chap it was beautiful


	7. authors note sorry

Um ok I know I’ve barely posted anything recently but I’m working on a huge fic and meh 

But hey I have an announcement 

I have a discord server!!

https://discord.gg/7TJdfT8

 

heck man I hope this works

please join I beg 

 

aaa

Yeet bitches

 

As I’m posting this it is 2 am 

 

Have a nice day


	8. :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helene (and t̶̡̡̜̰͚̭͉̥̝͉͖̠̩̑̏̐̾̃̅̂͐̑̐̑͒̒͑̂̀̄̀̉h̵̡̡̧̨̨̡̛̛̲̭͖̬̺̼̦̗̗̙̲̖͕͇̼͚̮͎̰̲̝̖̻̲̱̳͉̺̭͎̼̘͓̹̥̳̺̻̞̥͓̗̳̝̠̝̝̠̫͚̙̝͓͍̞͈̩̲͇͚̫̜̲̫̜̫̯̹̝̮̦̲́͌̒̊̍̂̏͒͌͂͆͋̀͆̃̍̆̈́͒͆̾̀̀̅͂̈̀̀͌͌̂̾̽͑́̾̎͊̀̈́͆̇̈͒̍̒̾̎̓͊̌̎̏̑̓̃̽́̓̀̊̀̾̚̕͘̚͜͜͜͝͝͝͠͠͠͝ę̸̫͇͔͍̫͙͙͖̼͎͉̯̻̟͛̅̏̐̾͑͒̎̉̀̈́̐́̿̄̽̉͂̓̕̕͜͠ͅͅ ̶̡̡̧̛̛̫̬̤̻̫̳̩͔̳̘̣̰̝̘͉͚̃̏̎̎͆̅͌̀̌̂͆̄̾̇͊̃̓̄̓̾̓̈́͆͆͌̀̀̆́͗̎̍̏̔̽́͋́̈̿̒́̽͆͆̊̅̀̏̊̊̎͆̍͋̒͒́̓̈́̄̓̍́̽̓͑͗̀̓̚̕͘͠͝͠͝ͅͅd̷̨̨̛̛͙̹̺̳̯̗̗̹͔͔͇̣̻͔̗̻͇̂̅̾̇̔̀̍͗͊̓̈́̃͒̽̈́̒͌̃̿͗̎̃̍̓̌̓̌͐̏́̋̅̄̍̉̔͆̃̓͆́̐̄̎̊̋̕͘͘̚̚͠͝͠͠͠͝e̶̢̨̧̲̜̬͔̰̗̦͎͉̙͕͉̗̯̙̪̰̘̲̪̜̩͙̻̩͓̝̺̖͍̜̹̤͍͉͎̖̮̓̂̇̉̀̆́̎́̒̽͂͒̅̈́͌̈́͑̀̕v̵̡̡̡̧̡̨̻͈͍̼̟͎̤̼̞̳̤̙̪͉͔͙̩̻̫̬̦̭͈̭̯͔̤̣͓̱͙͚̞̳͉̩͚̖̪͉̯͔͎̰͉͙̮̗̪̝̦̖̲̤̳͚̬̗͕̗̻̘̝̤̜̩̣͓̰̪̱̾̀̓̔͜͜ͅͅį̴̢̨̨̨̨̩͍̩̙̪̦̘̘̘͓̱̦̩̲͈̹̱̜̤̘̘͎͔̟̹̯̫̰̱̣̞̜̙̯̼̤̮͉̺͓͚̗̣͍̗̫̺͈̥̥̦͓̝͇̦̥̜̓̓̆̆͆̏̓̒̆́̄̃̍̾̈̈͂̌̿̒̈́̔͐̈́̏̒͑̄͌̿̿̉̌͑̑̅̅̈́̐̍̂̎̅̍̑͒̊̍̆͂̇̌̽̄̿̓̅͘̚̚̚̚͜͝ͅl̵̨̧̨̢̧̨̛̲̟͓̗̜̠̺̠͖̙͚̪̠̠͚̙̦͓͖͓̜͉͚͚̱̘̲̝̙̙͉͍̬̣͔̞͉͎͎̥̗̙̠̥̝̜͗̓̎͛̾̉̐̉̄͊́͐̀̀͗̃̾̽̏̊̆̊̎̒̒͋̀͛͑̆̍͘͘̚͘͜͜͠͝͠͝ͅͅ) have fun

Balaga undressed and was about to go hang out with his homie satan when he a knock at the door. 

hey bitch wanna fuck said helene, who was the only person who could almost out slut him

Fuck yea he said banana 

he pulled out a dinner plate with Cheeto dust still on it and shove down it up her pussy 

lol jk he wouldn’t don’t that to his cat

He shoved it up her vagina

Anyway 

 

ŝ̷̨̡̻̠͓̠̣̽̔́͊̔͊̍̅̉͑͆̌h̷̼̫̘̘̝̙͑̉̅͆̈́͜͜ ̶͕̠̙͛̔̉̃̉͛̕M̷̻͇̪͓͙̋͝o̵̧̢͇̲̜̪̼̙̠͚̍͒̒͋̊́̂̈̚͜ͅå̸̡̮̼̽n̷͍͛̔̽̏͊̓̊̃͝͝ẹ̶̛͚͚͉͔̙͇̟̬͎̘̱̠́͋̾̅͘̕͘͠͝d̴̢͖̟̫̠̆̈́̅̍̈́͊́͊́̊̃͆͜.̷̗͔̗̱̈́͛̃̅̓̔̆̽̿̇͑͘͠ ̵̥͕͇͔̫̤̤̺̦̱̆́O̶͔̅̊͛̋͐͆̏̓̈́̒̉́̓h̷̛̹̹̖̙͌͋̀͌̎͊̈̂̄̀͜͠ ̷͚͎̙̣̙̝̤͉̯͍̜̔́͠y̷̨̡̛̜̅̀̄͑̃̄̆̈́͂́̇̐̕ẹ̷̡̎͌s̵̢̭̩̠̯̹̱̝̆͋̇͂͂̓̑͐͘̚̚͜s̶̬̰̭̲̯̗̞̺̠̭̭̃̆́͜ ̴̧̡̰̠͙̹͔̻̰͙͌̿̾͒̏͒͊̈́̏̉̋͝͠ͅd̸̛̍̌̒̽̎͝ͅa̸̜̞͍͍͍͂̆͜͝d̴̛̻̠̥̻̲͓͌͋̅͌̈́̅̊̈͐̏͜͜ď̴̙͕͈̤͙̮̯͎̙̊̿̽y̷̛̘̱̣̭̗̖̙̙͎̝͗̈͒̏̂́̀͌͒̔ ̴̠̘͎̘̱̝̬̐̏͜s̷̩̳̘̖͉͉̖̀̓̔͐͌̃ͅa̴̧̧̦͓̯̹̟̰̼͎͉̯̜͈͌̉̍̓͊̓́̑̎̈́͘͝͝i̶͇͙͐̍̉͊̽̐̆̉̈́̔̀͘͜͠ḑ̶̧͕͔͈̰̥͒̑͒̅̕ ̶̞̺̺̤̫̖̗̑͆̋̊̈́̾̑̅̐̽̚ͅh̷̨̦͕͛̽͗̎̎̓͊͝͝ẹ̶̜̳̼͕͈̓̎̈́͝ͅḻ̴̨̛̛̙̹̮̥͕͖̤͔̘̖́́̒̾̑̍̆̈́̓̽̌̑i̸̳̰̻̟͒̐͑̑̌̌͗̕͠ç̷̟̜̥͍͚̼͙̙̱͖̺̀̿̐̄̀͘͜o̵̧̲͗̾͘p̶̛̦̗̻͉̓̋͆̄̽̉͆͆͝ṭ̵̮̘̝͍̫͇̬̹͉̋ͅe̸̡̗̞̭͍̰̻͒̈́͆̌̋͑̉̋̔̐̃̂́͛ͅr̸͉͙̝̻̻͙͓̼̗̱̓̆̍̕ ̸̡̤̫͝  
̴̻̼̞̻͔̌̅̓̈͆́͒͋̓̓͂͝  
̶͇̑̈́̏̌͂͒̒̽̅͒͘̕͘͠B̷͉̙̈́̃́̽̆̈̎̏̕ȁ̸̢͍͎̥̩͈̝͙̗͈̾̓͒̋͐̄͛͝͝l̶̖̭̜̞͎͙̣̥͕͙̳̗͛͗͗͆͐̈́͋̍̂̒͛̽̑͋a̴̧̛̖̪̠̱̥̱̗͖̦̰̬̙͐́͑̐̾̃͊͛̉͂͠ͅg̴̡̢̗̼͔̜̹̟̺̞͇͕͎͛͗̐̒̄̇̃̐̌͋̕͘͜a̵̢̡̨͚̻̹̟̱̟̫͖̜̠̅͗́̌̕̕͝ ̷͉̋̂͝ẗ̵̗̬̮̞̖̳̼̳́̎͝͝ͅh̶̛̼̭͚͖̥̩͌̎̀͝͝͠ͅę̶̱͔̾̈́̌͐͌͒̇̌͝ ̴͇̪̹͈͕̻͖̮̱̫̤̠͔̮̓͗̃̅̈́̍̔̈́s̶͉͙̄͆͌̉̍̑̓̐̀̓͘ȗ̷̗̬̺̱̺̖̣͙̲̖̈́̏̀̃̔͐m̸̥̦̟̱̬͇͂̽̔̽̒̆͜͝m̴̨̹͕͓̣͍̬̊o̷̡̟̥͙̰̯̮͓̟͋̒͌̋͜n̵̨̘̘̥͈̜̙̖͍̻̼̔̐͜ḙ̸̙̠̼̱͚͇̥̖͕̩̒̓̄́̈́͂͝͝d̷̨̗̩͚̜͇͓̲͎̦̘͔̘̔̉̆̅̕͝͝͠ ̴͔̂̋̀͒͋̃̓̒S̶̞̞̙̜̥̻͇̓̄̾̀̐͊̓a̷͎͕̣̤͆̃̅́́̿̒̀̐͋͘t̵͙͚̝͖̦̹̲̠̑͆̃͝á̴̧͚̽͠n̵̮̙̼̬̖̑̓͑̇̎̂́ ̷̥͇͓͔̰͖͓̀̈́̓́̃͘t̷̡̼̩̑̎̓̇̐̉̑ơ̷̝͚̗̺̪̮͍͈̙̠̣̅́̀̏̾̾̔͌̔̅͜ͅ ̶̘̲̭̻̗̦̺͓͎̝͕͙͋̓̂͐́̋̽̎̕͜f̴̗̼͔͈͎͕̼̣͍̪̯̲̫̫͠ụ̶͎͌̄͛̿́͗̐͐͆̿̏̚͠c̴̻̓͆͒k̵̨̤̫̞͔̠̣͕̮̳̪̆͐̒͑̎͛̒̌̔͜͜͝ͅ ̵̛̛̫͂̏ḫ̷̦̖̈́e̶̞͇͆r̷̡̼̻̬̣̩̔̿̊͆́͊̂̈́͒͘̕͠͠͝ͅ ̸̧̖̣̙̺̣̘̜̰͕̹͆͋̀͛̎̆͒̓̑̐͒ͅf̷̢̨̛̤̱̻̙̖͒̀̽̊̑̋̀̎̕̚͘͝͠ó̷̬͚͓̻̩͔̱̳̗͓͍̾͆̈́̆́̕r̵̫͇̩̃͛̽̆̿͆͆̅̾ ̶̲̙̃͂́̌̅̚h̵̡̨̛̲̯͓̰̻̪̹̟̻̜̿̉̉̈́̈̈́̏͂͂͗̈́͠͝i̸̧̨͔̮̰̯̲̬̬̦͔͌͌̀̇̈̓́͆̽͘̚̕ͅm̸̡̢͓͙͎̳̮͔̫̪͌͗͂͑̐͋̀̌̂̾̚̚͘͝  
̴̱͖̖̜͍͉̝͎̮̓͑͊̍̈́̓͒͜͝Ẁ̶̨̨̗̬̪̀̂̑̅̔͂a̸̼̙̦̍̈́̈́̈͐̈́̉̈́̄͜t̷̛͇̱̝̗̳̲͔̖͕̎̅͗̆͛̏̀͂̚͝͝c̵̻̖̙̘͎̙͒͑̓̈̀̓̾̑͜h̸͓̬̣͔̝̔̉͗̒̓̌̈́̆̂̌̏̀̂̚ͅͅi̵̢̤̹̥̩̹̞̊̔̈́̈́͋͗̋̃͆̐̈́̇̊̽n̸̛̺͕͖͎͑̆͆̀̒̊̽̋͘ǵ̷̡̼̰̼̬́̅̽́̕ ̸̧̛̥͙͍͖͓̰̰̣̞̬͓̀͌͑͑̈͌͆͗̂̔̕͠S̴̢͖͉̲͍̭̰̆͗̎͜a̸͖͉̯̪̟̹̤̚t̶̨̛̝͈̦̩͚̳͔̩̺̪̀̾̈́̄͗̍͐͌̀̔͝ḁ̵̭̓͗͐̕n̶̪͍͕͓̩̔͜ ̸̨̥͈̰͔̦͉̣̣̝̀̾̎̈́̐́͊̂̔̈́̕͠b̸̡̰̓̋̋̇̈́̄̊̏̈́̈́̚ͅa̷̛̪̜̞̬̗̼̘̼͓̱̟̔̂̔̕͝ń̸̛͖̿̂ǧ̸̡̱̪̓̀̒̇̽͝ ̷͎̖̦͈͕̪͚̗̭̬̮͂̓̂͐̔͝h̶̜̦̊̑̂͒̑̆͋̿͆̂̓̀e̵̡̧̛̯̼̙̬͈̯͈͔̠̹̣̽̆̅͛͘r̴͉̤̯̼͖̫̬͛̓͋͊͝ ̷̳̹̮͓̾̈̎͂̀ẁ̸̢̢̥͈͍̱͉̾̂̃̔̄̐̂́̉̿a̷̡̡̡̢̙̳̪̟̰̻̻̪̲̣̐͌̊͝s̵̢̨͔̗͚̞͙̭͔̻̜̗̪͛͗͊̂͝ ̵̢̨͍͎̙̟͍͙̩̯̲̻́͐ḣ̷̢͕͚̜̺̮̦͈̘̦̕i̷̡̳̮̠͈̜̽̊̎́̈́̓̄̈́̇̌͗̔͜g̷̡͚̣̻͍͍̦̦̈́h̵̺̩̦̠̩̰͎͔̤́͒̈͆͑̈́̾̑̈͘͜ ̷̢̥͉̬̹̥̯̻͇̻̥͇̊̌ē̴̮̦̦͉̹̮̬͙͍͑͛͐͋̋̾͒͐͋͆̽̚̕n̶̡͕͔͑͋̍̿̌͐̍̆͘͠t̴̛͍͋̓̈͆̌̂̒́͒̂͠e̷̦̼͒̈̅̋̽̀̉r̵̮͍͆̂̿͂͊̀̆͋̀̕̕ṯ̶̢̢̝̮̼͈͎̦͙͔̦́̔͊̔̏̎͌͑á̸͎͔͈̼̦̈́̂̓̾̀̈́͊̕͝i̸̧̨͕̥̮̙̦͎̯̟̬̝̜͐̓̐́̓̓̅ň̴̩͉̒̊m̸̢͎̮̭̺̪̈͗̒̀͜͝é̸̢̈́̅͐̑͝n̸̛̝̫̞̩̝̣͍͕͎̗͍̰͊̏̆͑͆́̎̓͗̕̚ͅͅt̸̢̧̳̭̳͇̩̘̮͇͓̹̥̽̾́̒͛̍͋̉͜͝.̷̧̖̩̘͂̑̓̽͐̽́̍̀ͅ ̸̣̞̮͇͉͇̪̀͐͋́͆͘ͅH̵̝͖̬̞̥̤̭̣̖͂̿̓ê̷̬̦͎̈́̂̇͊́̈́́̚ ̸̢̧̝͙͍̲̞͍͓̙̟̻̩̙̑t̸̺̘̯̞̱̹̹̂́̇͛̽͂̕h̶̢̧͍̜̱͈̥̑́̄̉̓́̀̊͛̓͂̕͝e̴̥͈̙̽͐̒̒͑̈́̊̈́̉͝ͅͅṋ̵͉͖̗͖̭̹̟̼̃͌̄̿͂̍̈́̓̎͝͝ ̸̥͎͈͌̈̾̈́̔́̓͋̉͊̓͘͝p̷̯̌͋̄̈́̆̎̿͠r̴̛͖͚̳̺͂̈́̉̔͑͛̊̀͆̋ơ̸͓̗͈͇̣̜̻̦̱͕̜̠̈́̿̾͠ͅc̵̡̧̨̠̟̱̲̲̟̰̬͚̝͇̈͝ė̸͕̳͚͙̘͖̫̤̻̓͒̈́̋̀͂̊̽̋̉̈́̚͝e̴͍̹̬̝̒ͅd̶̗̬̍̒͗̾̋̒́̿̂̈́͒͆͘e̶͔̫͈͇͕͚̳̤͐̆̔̄̇̔͘̕d̶̥͍̻̥̰̩̜̖͍̖̆͗́̀̈́̾̏͠͝ ̴̦̤̮͎̠̮̄̔̓̎̅̇͋͝t̶̢̪̳̥̳̖͎̲̀͑̅̃̍́̊͐̂̆͗͘͝ò̸̧̯̰̝̹͍̝́̎̃̕ ̴̮̳͔͓̇̆̒́̈́̑̆̅͗͛̈́̽̕ͅw̵̧̩̗͇̟͇̦̉̀͗̀͒̀̅͑͑̋͘̕ͅả̸̗͉́͒̾͑̓̏̒́͠ļ̶̫̠̠̜̫͙͇̻̻͒̈́̾͑̀͒̇̎͛͊̍̈́̕͝ḱ̴̰̻̖̼̜͖̜̥̖̰͔̀̅̕͜͝ ̸̦͗́̌́̏̒̎̍͆̕̕͜ŏ̶̳͖̭̝̥͍̑̊̚͜u̷͎͚͖̤̓̓̽̈́͂̋̇̽̍͐̈̍̂ͅt̷̙̤̼̻̼͕̖̫͖̫̏̊̅̈́̌̽͐̄͛͆̓͊ ̴̞͉͇̳̹̣͎̼͛̓̌o̶͚̣̟̬̺̙͊̍f̵̛̤̒̑̈́͂͒̎͒̎͑͝ ̴̤̩̖͉͈̼͚̻̰̭͇͙̰̐́̌͑̚͜t̶̥̑͐̀͑̇̅͒͂͒͠h̸͇̤̘̦̙̯̦̼̦̥̫͍̙͗̏̆́̈́́̿̑͝ͅë̷̡̨̨̮̲͇̬̹̖͈̲́̒̄̄̆̈̈́̅͒̕̕͘ͅ ̴̛͎̀̾ͅc̶̜̪̼̝̞͌l̵̠̭̜̯͕̹͆͗̇ȯ̴̥̽́̅̌͂̅̋̑̾̕̕ͅw̴̺̩̙̟̪̼͕̣̟̟̻̩͑ņ̵̡͎͕̈́͊̏͐̔̒ ̴̭̟̑̃̽͛̒͋͋̓͛͘̕ͅc̶͉̪̺͉̹̯̄ą̴͓̭̤̗̼͙̫̽r̷̟̘̝̮̠͖̥͙̺̘̔̉̉̓͌̀̏̀̿̚͠ ̶͎̼̣̩̫͙͈̜̄̃a̷͇͋̒͌̈́̀̔͂̀́͘n̶̩̭̬̻̯͙̟̾͑̂̂̊̀̉d̷̛̰̤̽̈́̈́͛̾͌̂̎̄͌͆ ̶̡͍̱̠̺̘̒̓͐̅̈̍̅̌́̂̔̕ĭ̵͓̮̤̝͈̼̲̰̓͛̀͠n̵͎̬̪̲̠̠̼̗͒̀̌́̇̐̃̿͑͌̃͐̅͠t̶̠̮͉̙̟̩͈̙̰̮̪͈̏̏͒̓͐́͗̋͝͝ŏ̴̝̲̖͈͎̦̦̟̐̑͒͌͐̚̚ ̴̡̣̟̜̱̊̀͌́͛h̸͓̟̥͕̪͔̝̳͖̘͖͈̩̃̀̐͐̔̄͑̈́ȉ̸̗̙͚̤̼͙̲͙͓̲s̴̛̬̈́͂̑͆͌̋̌́̕ ̸͈̇̿͗̐͌͊̏̃̈̈́̿̽͌͝ơ̸̟̘̱͔̞̩̟͍̓̀̒͗́w̸̞͖͖͔̼̲̤͇̻͔̎̑͊̎̀̀̒̌̉̋̈̕͘n̷̺̥̹͚̳̝͑ ̴̤̳͔͙̤̥̂̆͑̃̏̍̆́c̵̜̹̪͉̞͍̐̀̂̏̆͘a̷̘̥̟̘͖̙̗͕̝͈̯͙͑̽̚͝r̷̻̲͕͉͐͌̄̀͊͐̕ ̵̝̘͂̈́̋͛̓͐̈́͋́̓̀͒̕ḃ̶̻̝͛̀̾̒̋̊̽̌͘̚͝͝͝ứ̶̧͙̜͙̯̎ṱ̴̢̧̥̺͓̝̫͚̌̇̽̇̆̔̾̇ ̸̩̦̬̣̜͔͚͍͐̍̃͊̆͂̐̾̊͘͘͝ṯ̴̨̡̡̝̖͕͕͍̘͔̞̰̰͌̌̈͋̈̀h̷̢̧͕̯̠͉̙̫̩͈͓͎͊̀̆̈͆̎́̃̓̈́̚e̵̢̱̯̭̤̯̬̼͕̊̃͒͒̊̆̏͒͘ÿ̸̺̻̓̈́ ̴̧̹̙̗͚̀͛͒̈́͝͝d̶̡̙̺̬̻̳͔͎̝̯͓̰̣̿̂̂̅̐̓̇͘͘͝í̷̩̉̎́̂̓͐̈́̀͜d̵͔̻͈͉̣̞̜̝̟̬͌͐͊̋̔̍́͊̈́͛̕͝ͅņ̴̨̡̛̫͎̘̙̯̦̄̏͂̍̍̈́̒̇͗͘͝’̷̢̨̧̢̮͖̱̩͙̻̥̾̋́̄͋͘͜͝͝͠ṱ̴̩͚͍̩͙͍͈̒̈́̏͗͛͘ ̷̧̧̺̤̮̮̞̓͊̈̈̊̃͋͂n̵͖̞͈̳͌̋̍̿͒́̇̄̽͘͠o̵̡̫͓̙̔̌̋͐̋͠͠t̸̢̧̛̲̙͇̖̲̩̘̯͉̦̀̀͒́͘͘ĩ̶̛͍̣͈̤̪̙̦̹̙̘̬͕̥̻̅͌̎̏̓̈̀̀̀ĉ̷̝̦̘̦̠͎̘̍̀͌͝ͅe̴̡̖̭͙̭̪͙̼̦̜̹̘̊̈́̆͛͐͋͐͒̽́̆̿̉̕.̵̢̯̄̓́

 

It was finally time to fuck cowfuccer900- I mean andrey


	9. the most fuckin meta chap ever+cow andrey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh andrey an balaga recreate the milk fic while im fourth wall breaking all the fucking time

—————

hey bitch said bagel 

moo said andrey

nice to see u too but anyway u Gucci w me ;;;;;;) u or u and dolly are in a closed (is that the word I’m looking for bc idk fam im dumb) relationship asked banana bc consent is key fuckers even in a dumb ass crack fic i mean god damn y’all 

moo moo ye dolly is daddy but he chill-i fries w me fucking u moo moo mooed android 

aw fuck yea uh a lil birdie who may or may not be named Anatole told me that u like milk?? said baby

moo yassssssss daddddyyyy milk fic me UP father said angay

yeet 

fuck y’all the authors fuckin tired i has to read the fucking milk fic again to remind me of my inspiration i swear to god Jesus i hate my self

bacc to the story

balaga took the milk bag (????? i live in the us why tf milk bags exist is beyond me but eh it’s easier to write so meh) and fuckin yeeted it into the booty 

those got milk ads sure did evolve

y’all this entire chap is a fuckin milk fic rip off lmao except in the milk fic it’s not a cow omfg

 

anyway blah blah blah they cum at the exact same time why bc that happens in all fanfics and we ain’t original 

lmao i say we like im not sitting on my ass at my dinner table typing this in the notes app lmao

wtf why is this chap so meta it aint the authors notes tf

eh i don’t give a shit 

android got up from the floor where his udder Milk was on the floor ;;;;) 

aw damn Gucci shit thank for the fuck dolly wants 2 fuck me two and like he’s kinda more a priority and like if it’s chilli w u i gtg bye bby said Anne 

aw of fucking course ilysm bye binch ave fun sucking dolphins dicc said birthday 

he then proceeded to take two lefts, three rights four west’s fifty three u turns fourteen lefts and a left and went to the the next house to meet.... wait lemme check who tf i wanna come next bc believe it or not I have a list for this which features what order im doing them what their object is other fics and other shit 

 

ok that simple path led to bolkonskys sex dungeon where he got spanked w knitting needles n read Harry Potter aloud

yeet lmao  
the next chap is gonna be wild when i finish it in 4-9 decades

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh hi  
> im v sorry for this chapter being suuuuuppppppeeeerrrrrr late a super meta im not really trying there but hey ilyall so fuckin much
> 
> if u like this fic, consider joining my discord server!! https://discord.gg/7TJdfT8
> 
> uh bls give me ur feedback i tried hard on this chap to make it ok and i hope y’all appreciate it!!   
> love y’all bye!!


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